Arc 3

= Last Time On Better Than Heroes... =

Episode 1 - June 28: An Eye on the Horizon
On the planet Garden: the crew emerged from the Hellmouth beneath the cove of bones with a dormant KAI, and was met by a nervous assembly of the cove's citizens. To the relief of all, KAI's consciousness remerged with his body safely, and the crew gave the cove the good news. The fiend known as the magistrate was dead, and the pact of piracy had been destroyed. The cove and her people were free, and began to party accordingly. The party and their friends were heroes, the jams were pumping, the liquor was flowing, and momma wasn't home. Despite the raging rager, the crew were battered, bleeding and exhausted. Klik and moonboy headed back to the dinger to treat an infernal wound klik had suffered, which required magical healing. On the way through the crowd, moonboy noticed the girl who had once tried to steal his hat. KAI offered to administer sacred vengeance in the form of some light prankery. He dazzled the townkinder with entertaining tinkering and merry illusions, and then bedeviled the hat thief with fart magic. Serves her right for being a little thief who loves to fart. Back on the dinger moonboy and klik visited with Malzor the halfling hornbearer in Moonboys lunar grow room. Moonoy brewed a moon tea from one of his plants, enabling him to cast a new spell of restoration on klik's devilish wound. Before bed the crew split up. Moonboy and Windrider returned to the party and performed a legendary folk ballad in honor of their friend, the man once known as gregory punch. Then they found the little thief who loves to fart, who's real name was Chree and gave her a dagger and some advice.

Back aboard ship, Klik and KAI discussed their brushes with the entity known as the undying queen. Klik had a powercul desire to return home and help her clutch, but was conflicted due to her banishment. Together, Klik and KAI set about reforging Klik's gythka into a powerful new weapon that expressed her growth and power. It was a great success. After the crew went to bed, windrider did a hypnoritual to learn more about the entity that seemed to live inside him. His trip was interrupted by a projection from POWERFACE, The eye tyrant the crew had agreed to go and work for when they spoke to him in ventris's vault. Upset at the party's tardiness, he had decided to take away Flute's ability to sleep. That's messed up! Flute is fragile! Doesn't he have enough problems? Which fork in the space road will the crew choose? Find out right now, on better than heroes!

Episode 2 - July 12: The Hum of Home
Last time on better than heroes! Aboard the dinger, docked at the cove of bones on Garden, the crew awoke to find Flute Whimtease cursed with Sleeplessness by the Eye-Tyrant Space Baron Captain......Forturous Argus Powerface. Insulted by The Dingers' failure to arrive promptly at his apparent crymention, Powerface had sworn to withhold sleep from Flute until the party made good on their pledge to come work for him. After KAI examines Flute, Moonboy used his Moonplants to make a Moonserum to restore Flutes ability to sleep. Flute promptly crashed out like a Rave-Ravaged Teenager. The rest of the party went to speak to the sentient helm Dynghommnedrous for ways to shield their dreams from Powerface. Moonboy attuned to the Synapse Helm linking his mind with the near infinite knowledge of Dynghommnedrous astral consciousness. There he extracted the memory of an amulet of non-detection from a dwarven entity perceived as his father. Though his psyche was nearly permanently imprinted on by the Synapse helm, the Moonboy had emerged with the amulet he had seen was now made real. With the party now having secured a countermeasure to Powerfaces divination, Klik went off to find the mean green Kreen named Gluck, who brought her the new of disturbing happenings on their home planet of J'Dhorian. He was Shit-faced in the park. Milk had tried to persuade him to return home to help their clutch and eventually found the words to convince him and perhaps herself too. So we are going to the “Buglands”. Who or what would dare to steal the sacred  psychic energies of the Kreen? How would Powerface react to a second slight by The Dinger imputant crew? Find out right now, on better than heroes!

Episode 3 - July 19: Moonboy's Hole
Last time on better than heroes! Aboard the dinger, travelling to Klik’s home world of J’Dourian on the planet Garden. Klik was anxious about how she would be received by her clutch when she returned home. She carried a chatchka made by another, a taboo amongst her people. To further complicate matters, she had sworn an oath to kill the one who had taken her own chatchka from her. Moonboy used the amulet of non-detection he had taken from his bonding with Dynghommnedrous to protect the party’s sleeping quarters from Captain Powerfaces gaze.

Gluck the green Kreen teen quarrelled with Relic the gunner about who was best equipped to man the Dinger’s Ballista. They settled the matter with a test of skills which was corrupted instantly by betting, leading to cheating on all sides. Nevertheless, Relic somehow emerged victorious, hitting his targets perhaps for the first time ever. As the ship moved through Garden’s endless tangle of foliage and bramble, Moonboy spotted a hidden hole, which Gluck identified as being made by Goblins. A possible shortcut to J’Dourian, through the domain of the Skull Goblin King who was known for a willingness to occasionally parlay with outsiders, and for a love of ice cream treats. This inspired KAI to start working on a new confection, to be used in Goblin court intrigue. After choosing to take this shortcut, the Dinger came across a goblin cutter- a contraption used to bore holes through Garden’s vegetation- which bore signs a Froghemoth attack. Flute used his magic to create an illusion of another cutter moving ahead of the dinger, and they indeed came across a Froghemoth- dead. The monster had been decapitated, signifying the presence of an unknown, unspeakably dangerous apex preadator. Flute changed his cutter illusion into a Froghemoth, as bait. KAI emerged from the kitchen after a true ice cream breakthrough of cosmic importance and unveiled his creation. Then everyone screamed. For Ice cream. Then everyone screamed again, because as the DInger moved towards a larger cavern, A Mindflayer ship, a nautoloid, emerged from the darkness and attacked, passing right through the Froghemoth illusion. You scream, I scream, we all scream, for our brains may soon be devoured by squid people. What are Mind Flayers doing down here? Are they after us? Find out right now, on better than heroes!

Episode 4 - July 26: Boarding Party
Bushwacking their way through the planet Garden on the way to bring aid to Klik’s imperiled homeland, the crew found themselves suddenly pursued by a mind flayer vessel. The Dinger made to escape- using flute whimteaser’s illusion magic to juke the ravenous nautoloid, fleeing deeper into the realm of the skull goblin king. Aiming to evade the mind flayer’s brain smelling magics, Moonboy gathered the crew around the Dinger’s helm, ready to use his amulet of nondetection to hide everyone’s delicious brains. Some of the crew now beheld the ship’s secret synapse helm, Dinghommnederous, for the first time- but there was no time for questions, as they watched and hid from the illithids. After a while, the coast seemed clear and everyone dispersed. Just then, of course, the Nautoloid came crashing through the bramble wall and the time for running was over. The mind flayers attacked, their guns disturbingly manned by Kreen. Rightfully disturbed, Klik drank a potion of invisibility, and lept onto the nautoloid’s bow. In an effort to strike a swift deathblow to the enemy ship, Flute teleported himself and KAI directly onto the nautoloid’s bridge. KAI obliterated the illithid captain and crushed their brain in his hands, but not before the captain paralyzed flute with a powerful mind blast. As KAI turned to aid flute, two more mind flayers entered the bridge. One was none other than the crew’s old enemy Lord Ossodo the illithid dignitary- from whom the crew had stolen a nautoloid in the past. The other figure appeared to be Ossodo’s superior. There was no doubt, this was not a coincidence- the Illithid federation had tracked the Dinger here to exact some horrible brain vengeance. Ambushed by some of the cruelist foes in wildspace, paralyzed, and spread apart, the crew was in perhaps the most dangerous situation of all their time together. KAI stepped in front of the paralyzed flute and raised his shield. Klik sprinted up the nautoloid’s bow. And flying through space, it was the Moonboy’s turn. Will the party escape with their brains? Is this fight even winnable? And did I go to far when I crushed that guys brain in my thunder fist? Was that too much? Find out right now, on better than heroes!

Episode 5 - Aug 2: Hate The Flayer
Last time on better than heroes! Ambushed by a mind flayer vessel in the tangled tunnels of Garden, the crew of the dinger took the fight to their enemies. After teleporting onto the nautoloid’s bridge, KAI and flute battled two mind flayers in the strange shadows of the aberrant helm. Lord Asodo and another Mind Flayer who appeared to be his superior. They paralyzed Flute with psychic blasts, but KAI was able to destroy the head squid. Flute shook off his paralysis and was able to quickly rejoin the fight. The invisible Klik ran into the ship and was chased by dwarven thralls who emerged from the walls. That’s a little war poem! Moonboy sprouted magical moon plants and followed Klik, who leapt onto the bridge to help her friends. KAI spared the wounded and defeated Lord Asodo- steeling his mind as he turned and entered into the nautoloid’s helm in an attempt to stop the onslaught of mind slaves. Asodo surrendered to flute, and revealed that another Illithid remained hidden on board, controlling the dominated minions. As the rest of the team looked for a way to find and kill the last mind flayer, before the growing army of thralls descended upon their position- it came around to Moonboy's turn. Meanwhile, within the horrible alien psycho-space of the nautoloid’s helm, unaware of the developments on the bridge, KAI’s consciousness searched seemingly in vain for a stop to the violence outside. Within that awful space KAI found an enormous elder brain. He reached out with his mind to sever the brain’s connection to the helm and rolled a critical saving throw. Then with a brilliant explosion of magical energies he- CLIFFHANGER! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! What happened? What happened after the flash?! Is KAI’s mind getting flayed? Flayed for eternity by the alpha brain? Will the crew be fallen upon by ravenous brain thralls? Find out right now! On better than heroes!

Episode 6 - Aug 9: Meeting of the Minds
With just one Mindflayer and his squadron of thralls left on board the nautoloid, the crew battled on. KAI was ejected from the ships helm just in time to come to Flutes aid. Klik leaped upon the remaining Illithid First Mate with fury. Critically wounded escaped shifting to another plane of existence. The Kreen and Koa'Toa thralls were now free though the dwarves remained enthralled. Turns out they had horrible brain monsters in their head called Intellect Devourers, which wriggled free and attacked. GROSS! One of the monsters was instantly pancaked. And the rest were destroyed as they tried to flee. KAI reentered the helm and gained control after a brief encounter with the Illithed Hive Mind Center known as Cortex. With the nautoloid captured the crew integrated Lord Asodo who had surrendered and reviled that 2 other nautoloid were hunting the Dinger, and claimed that the Illithids were not responsible for the happenings in Kliks home world. Where Am I? Here we are....It Appeared that Lord Asodo had successfully negotiated for his life, but suddenly Windrider decapitated the captive Mindflayer, angering Klik, violating her worrier code of honor. The Freed Kreen regained their facilities and told Klik the grim news of her planet J'Dhorian, which they had been trying to escape when they were captured. The Meridian Tract as well as a group known as the Arcane, were using the bodies of dead kreen, desecrating them inorder to build and army against the "Undying Queen". Not only that but the Elder council of Kreen had been compromised, and were allowing these unthinkable act to happen. Though the Kreen and Fish people were freed, the crew lamented the fallen Dwarven slaves who had been debrained. But upon close inspection they found these poor folk though motionless on the deck were still alive. Double Gross!! Can these dwarves be saved? And what of J'Dhorian? And Who is This Undying Queen?? Find out right now, on better than heroes!

Episode 7 - Aug 16 : Kreen Team
As the fog of war cleared from the deep bramble ways of Garden, the crew took stock of their situation. Though they had defeated the Mindflayers and taken their ship, the Dinger had been severely damaged in battle and a number of the party was wounded. Weighing their options it was decided the Dinger and the captured nautoloid would wait and stay in place for the hours needed to make emergency repairs to both ship and crew, before heading deeper into the kingdom of the Skull goblin King. Aboard the nautoliuod KAI was doing some redecorating, he also examined the catatonic Dwarves who had brain monsters burst from their heads and deemed their condition beyond his repair. Flute determined not to once again be worshipped as a God by freed Fish People, in a masterful counter prank on the Moonboy, convinced the freed Koa-Toa that KAI was their new God. As the crew prepared to rest they discovered a pool full of ravenous mindflayer tadpoles, but were able to capture them in a glass jar. Problem solved forever Right? In the same room KAI discovered another glass jar to his shock contained the same species shape shifting sentient Ooze the crew had taken in and befriended names Janis Droplet. Who had called herself "The Droplet pulled from the Pool". What is it with Mindflayers and keeping unspeakable horrors in Jars? Will this new Jar of Janis Kill us all? Will the Skull Goblin King get to taste the Universes Greatest Treat? Find out right now, on better than heroes!

Episode 8 - Aug 23 : Mostly Breakfast
Previously on Better Than Heroes, the crew awoke from a much needed rest as temporary repairs to The Dinger were made. KAI improvised a high stakes breakfast to impress the recent influx of Ant-Aunties. Flute and Moonboy forged a pact to warn each other should their powers ever surpass their current acceptable, tasteful levels of evil. KAI spoke to the fish people to learn that they now worshipped him as a God thanks to Flutes influence. The Moonboy consulted The Moon on how to best present the now commandeered Nautiloid when meeting the Skull Goblin King. Before setting off the companions gathered aboard the Nautoloid and KAI revealed the jar he had found which contained the Ooze which he had found. A Second Droplet Pulled from the Pool. Everyone was filled with various regrets from their past dealing with the  Ooze they had called Janis Droplet. But could not agree on what to do. Flute felt they needed to kill the creature, but others weren’t convinced. KAI, who had been closest to Janis, recused himself from the vote. Flute insite a quick death was the only way, but others refused. Eventually he decided to leave the jar alone for the moment against his better judgment. With the repairs concluded, The Dinger and captured Nautiloid set off toward J'Dhorian to the unknown depths of the Skull Goblin King's realm. Eventually the  bramble tunnels of Gardens' depths gave way to a vast plain populated by massive Mammoth sized Sheep. From the herd emerged a gang of Cyclops ridden by Goblins in skull masks. Had the crew reached the Kingdom of the Skull Goblin King or are these just….other Skull Goblins? No that's Stupid….is that Stupid? Will the Skull Goblin King deal with the crew? Find out right now, on better than heroes!

Episode 9 - Aug 30 : Wiggle Time
Last Time On Better Than Heroes, in the borderland of the Skull Goblin King's realm, the crew had come upon a very scary gang of Cyclops riding Goblin who turned out to be very pleasant, escorted the crew to the Skull Goblin King's palace so they may bargain for safe passage through his lands. As it turned out the skull clad goblin and their cyclops friend were a nation of mensch's, sweethearts till the very last, who passed their time herding giant sheep and playing a game called……”Wiggle Time '' ......The crew entered the kings chambers and found a massive conglomeration of hexagonal doors referred to as The Hive, which the goblins held sacred. These strange doors seemed to expel various objects from across the universe. The King, Buzzsnorg, was as sweet as his subjects though he was very upset the Dingers crew wasn’t going to be able to stay for dinner. Flute and KAI gave the King lavish gifts of Mindflayer skulls and the greatest ice cream in the universe, which he went absolutely Bonkers for. The crew noticed the Hive the Goblins worshipped bore the signature of the famous Florio, the cosmic artificer and companion of the Moongirl who she had gone searching for when the group parted ways. The King granted his permission for The Dinger and the captured Nautiloid to travel through his lands, however he warned of the dangers of an area known as the Wild Wild Lands, which laids between them and J'Dhorian and contained a fearsome dragon. He also made mention of sightings of Meridian tract vessels in the area. Without further delay the crew took a rain check on what would have surely been an incredible dinner, loaded back up and set a course to traverse the Wild Wild Lands on their way to Kliks homeland. What do Goblins eat for dinner? Eggs? Will we see a dragon? Do you think they’ll be nice? Find out right now, on better than heroes!

Episode 10 - Sept 6 : Slow Death
Last Time On Better Than Heroes, hang on, I have the wrong......shit, fuck....this has never happened before. Unprecedented technical difficulties of the Recap! Almost there. Previously on...7 seasons ago of Better than Heroes. Hang on here we are.....Previously on Better than Heroes despite warnings fro King Buzzsnorg about Dragons and Danger the party crossed the Goblin kingdom into the Wild Wild Land determined to bring swift aid to Kliks imperiled Homeland. The Dinger and captured Nuataloid ventured deeper into the thick tunnels in Gardens deep foliage searching for a quick passage to J'Dhorian. After happening upon throngs of fleeing crab rats and birds the crew stopped to ask for directions. Moonboy transformed himself into a Cratand spoke to one of the creatures. As it turned out they were lying little bastards that were in service to a tyrannical Dragon who ruled the Wild Wild Lands. A Dragon that already knew of the Dinger presence. In an effort to find a secret exit, the ship backed themselves into a corner and were confronted by an enormous Green Dragon named Slow Death. He knew a disturbing amount about the Dinger, her crew and their exploits. The Dragon was malevolent and intelligent, and the more Flute tried to negotiate safe passage the more Slow Death wallowed in the power they had over the trespassers. After several minutes of toying with the crew, Slow Death demanded to speak with Klik alone, and the obliged, though KAIs familiar Besner stayed behind to listen secretly. The Drang knew the plight of Kliks people and offered to help free them, if Klik guaranteed to turn the Meridian Tract and the Arcane Forces over to him. Klik declined, unwilling to grant a swift end to those who desecrated her home. Underturned Slow Death made a second offer, he knew of the Crews connection to the legendary Wizard Florio and promised to help retake J'Dhorian if Klik could personally guarantee an audience for Slow Death with Florio in the future. Wary of trusting a being as obviously evil and powerful as Slow Death, the thought of retaking her home and crushing their enemies with a Dragon as her side and Klik agreed. With what was probably an evil grin Slow Death opened a secret exit and allowed the Crew to pass through. Then spread his massive wings and followed in their wake. It's probably cool to be friends with an Evil Dragon right? Doesn't everyone have that One Giant Evil friend? Will Slow Death betray us? Will we betray him? Find out right now, on better than heroes!

Episode 11 - Sept 13: Canyons and Caverns
Last Time On Better Than Heroes, after striking a deal to leave the Wild-Wild-Land, the crew finally reached J'Dhorian in the shadow of a powerful but extremely evil new tentative ally, the Green Dragon Slow-Death. As the Dinger, the Nataloid and the Dragon crossed into the fringes of Kreen land. They stopped to strategies. consulting with the Kreen Aunties the crew had saved along their journey, the crew learned of a rebelion of Kreen hiding in the high caverns of J'Dhorian. They were massing a resistance against the Meridian Tractand Arcane forces that had takes control of the Kreen Capitol. After some debate of Caverns, Cliffs and Canyons a plans was formulated. The crew would take the ship and make contact with the rebalion to coordinate an attack on the city, then they would signal for Slow-Death poisonous aid. As a big fan of plots in general the dragon agreed. Below decks Flute spoke to Cobble the ships navigator. She was terrified by the presence of a dragon after being enslaved by a green dragon for much of her life. She warned of Slow Deaths inescapable betrayal, and of it bottom-less cruelty. She mentioned the only way to beat the dragon was to let it think it had already won. After departing, the ship had found their way around the deep canyons of J'Dhorian and delivered the crew to their destination. Entering the caverns they fallowed signs of water and before to long found the seat of the hidden Kreen Rebels. Klik had a brief but tense exchange with two Kreen guards and the crew were greeted as Drasna, honored allies of the Clutch and prepared to meet with the Rebel Command. Will the Crew coordinate the redemption of Kliks people? When will Slow-Deaths inevitable betrayal come? Will the Rebels be nice? Find out right now on Better Than Heroes!

Episode 19 - Nov 29: Drasna
J'Dhorian